Procrastination: Writing Excuses 101

1. My dog ate my computer.


Oh, wait.  I don’t have a dog.  But if I did, I’d want this one.  At least he’d only eat my maple bacon and cat treats.

2. I just need to jump on Facebook/Twitter and/or check my email (for the next 2 hours).

3. I’m not sure what to do with this scene/I’m waiting for the characters to tell me what happens next/I’m waiting for an epiphany in the form of a blow to the head or a lightning strike.  How about a kick in the ass?

4. I need to wash my hair.

5. I need to wash the dishes (I know I’m grasping at straws when I use this one).

6. I’m just not in the zombie/cannibal/demon/vampire/insert anything writing mood.  Maybe I will be tomorrow.  Actually, if I sit down and start, I’ll get in the writing mood.  That’s how it works, and I know this.

7. I just need to watch a few videos on You Tube to get inspired first (six hours later…).

8. Another project takes precedence (and so I work on neither one).

9. I have to write a blog today.  Therefore, I can’t work on my current project.  Add any of the aforementioned excuses to this one to find out why the blog doesn’t get written either.

10. I’m exhausted from being the Games Master at Bible camp all week. And, no, they aren’t Hunger Games.

11.  I find it impossible to concentrate with 3 kids running around and asking for snacks/toys/or, as is the case right this second “Mom, where are my arms?” because they are pulled into the small kid’s sleeves.  These interruptions occur approximately five billion times a day during summer break.  I need a break from summer break.

12.  This nervous twitch in my eyelid whenever I stare at the computer for any length of time is stopping me from writing.  I mean really, what the heck?  It’s been like five days!  Maybe I should write a short about a killer nervous twitch.

And now for a quick pep talk to inspire me to get some writing done tonight…

Come on, you lazy puke–you’re not tired!  Eye twitches are kinda fun anyway!  You hate dishes, and besides the dishwasher is running right now.

Put those kids to bed and write, damn it!

Or maybe fall asleep on the couch watching a chick flick…It might generate some great ideas…

Movies You Can’t Stop Watching or The Mommy Dearest Syndrome

Today I want to talk about something that I like to call The Mommy Dearest Syndrome.  You know what I mean.  We all have that movie (or five) that, if we happen to flip through and land on it accidentally, we can’t stop watching.

I have a few movies like this, the big gold medal winner being “Mommy Dearest.”  Call me crazy.  Now, I can’t say exactly what it is about this film… Is the acting so high-caliber that it sucks me in like a black hole?  No.  Do I have an unbridled obsession with Joan Crawford?  No, again.  Do I beat my kids with wire hangers for using said wire hangers, and the movie somehow validates my poor parenting choices?  Not at all.  Although I do like to scream “No wire hangers EVER!” at random and inappropriate times.  Who doesn’t?

But I could turn on the TV to check the weather before going out for a root canal and if Mommy Dearest happened to be sucking back G and Ts and introducing strange men to her kids as “Uncle” So and So, I’m in trouble.  Yeah, I’m making that call and canceling my appointment.  I’m eating the fifty dollar late cancellation fee.  I’m sucking back G and Ts to dull the throbbing pain of my abcessed tooth.  All during the commercial break, mind you, because the only channels that run “Mommy Dearest” are the ones with frequent and excessive commercial breaks and I don’t want to miss a second of it.  I’m already suffering from an inexplicable depression for coming in when my movie is half over.  Or maybe because there is still half to go.  I can’t say, really.  I’m getting that nauseous feeling just thinking about watching it now.

That’s okay.  I’ll take the multiple advertisement opportunities to thaw out a steak for dinner or check the kids closets.

By the way, I love the steak part.  I think about it every time I make my kids finish their dinner.  I thought about it a lot yesterday when my youngest’s granola bar he pestered me for (no, not pestered, he rode me like a trick pony until I finally got off my butt and gave it to him, and all five minutes after a dinner he barely ate because he was “tooooooo fullllll”) was sitting on the table overnight because, when he became “tooooooo fullllll” to finish that, I was like, “Oh, you’re full of something, alright” and I left it on the table for a pre-breakfast snack the next day.

That was a long sentence.  My apologies.  My point is, I am totally picking up what Joan is dropping in that scene.

And, just like Joan, I threw the damn thing out about twenty-four hours later when, beaten down, I simply gave up.

Frankly, I think she got a bad rap.

Maybe tomorrow I’ll make the children address me as Mommy Dearest for the day, just to try it on for size.

Another movie that I can’t turn away from is “Ghosts of Mars.”  Yeah, yeah, laugh if you will–I finally made my husband watch this one and he was all, “that wasn’t scary at all!”  But, in my defense, there is something chilling about people being overcome by some nasty entity that makes them psycho killers and causes them to stick barbs through their faces without even wincing.  It could happen to anyone!  Ooh!  That just reminded me of the movie “Fallen,” which is another one I can’t pass up when it’s on.  Fantastic flick.

Also, along a similar vein of gut-grabbing creepy is “28 Days Later” which I could watch over and over and over and still be pants-peeingly scared.

And finally, “The Departed.”  No need for explanation.  Okay, I will anyway.  Leo.

Warning: This video has many F bombs and one Indian in the Cupboard.

So, lay it on me.  I’m really curious to hear what flicks other folks can’t flip off.  Comment.  Comment now.  Ready, set, go.