So, it’s been a while since I blogged, because that’s how I roll–tardy. Oh well. I was on “vacation” recently so that is my excuse for not blogging in the past week. Don’t ask about the month or so before that.
Anyhoo, I’m here to post some exciting updates…
1. My story about killer wasps “It Sticks With You,” recently got accepted into Crooked Cat’s charity antho “Fear” due out some time around All Hallows’ Eve. Fantastic. Proceeds go to Doctors Without Borders and Barnardo’s (aiding at-risk children in the UK)
2. My zombie bacon and longpork, AKA zombie cannibalism, story entitled “The Smokehouse” was chosen for Knightwatch Press’ up-coming anthology. The book will also contain a modified version of my pulled pork recipe. You can guess what kind of meat it calls for. Hope you have a big crock pot. 🙂
This book is sponsored by the Zombie Fiend website. It’s an active forum for lovers of all things zombie. If you enjoy discussing weapon choices for the zombie apocalypse, or if you are planting a killer veggie garden for the end times and need a little advise, swing on over. The folks there would love to have you (for dinner). Just a little cheesy cannibalism humor, there. Everything tastes better with cheese. Sorry.
By the way, this is the one I get a t-shirt for. Score!
3. Winter is coming. So is fall. Soon the little chicks in my roost will fly off to school and maybe, just maybe, I’ll blog more frequently.
4. We all know that is a bold-faced lie.
Thanks for stopping in. Come back real soon, will ya?
Oh, wait. I don’t have a dog. But if I did, I’d want this one. At least he’d only eat my maple bacon and cat treats.
2. I just need to jump on Facebook/Twitter and/or check my email (for the next 2 hours).
3. I’m not sure what to do with this scene/I’m waiting for the characters to tell me what happens next/I’m waiting for an epiphany in the form of a blow to the head or a lightning strike. How about a kick in the ass?
4. I need to wash my hair.
5. I need to wash the dishes (I know I’m grasping at straws when I use this one).
6. I’m just not in the zombie/cannibal/demon/vampire/insert anything writing mood. Maybe I will be tomorrow. Actually, if I sit down and start, I’ll get in the writing mood. That’s how it works, and I know this.
7. I just need to watch a few videos on You Tube to get inspired first (six hours later…).
8. Another project takes precedence (and so I work on neither one).
9. I have to write a blog today. Therefore, I can’t work on my current project. Add any of the aforementioned excuses to this one to find out why the blog doesn’t get written either.
10. I’m exhausted from being the Games Master at Bible camp all week. And, no, they aren’t Hunger Games.
11. I find it impossible to concentrate with 3 kids running around and asking for snacks/toys/or, as is the case right this second “Mom, where are my arms?” because they are pulled into the small kid’s sleeves. These interruptions occur approximately five billion times a day during summer break. I need a break from summer break.
12. This nervous twitch in my eyelid whenever I stare at the computer for any length of time is stopping me from writing. I mean really, what the heck? It’s been like five days! Maybe I should write a short about a killer nervous twitch.
And now for a quick pep talk to inspire me to get some writing done tonight…
Come on, you lazy puke–you’re not tired! Eye twitches are kinda fun anyway! You hate dishes, and besides the dishwasher is running right now.
Put those kids to bed and write, damn it!
Or maybe fall asleep on the couch watching a chick flick…It might generate some great ideas…
Today I want to talk about something that I like to call The Mommy Dearest Syndrome. You know what I mean. We all have that movie (or five) that, if we happen to flip through and land on it accidentally, we can’t stop watching.
I have a few movies like this, the big gold medal winner being “Mommy Dearest.” Call me crazy. Now, I can’t say exactly what it is about this film… Is the acting so high-caliber that it sucks me in like a black hole? No. Do I have an unbridled obsession with Joan Crawford? No, again. Do I beat my kids with wire hangers for using said wire hangers, and the movie somehow validates my poor parenting choices? Not at all. Although I do like to scream “No wire hangers EVER!” at random and inappropriate times. Who doesn’t?
But I could turn on the TV to check the weather before going out for a root canal and if Mommy Dearest happened to be sucking back G and Ts and introducing strange men to her kids as “Uncle” So and So, I’m in trouble. Yeah, I’m making that call and canceling my appointment. I’m eating the fifty dollar late cancellation fee. I’m sucking back G and Ts to dull the throbbing pain of my abcessed tooth. All during the commercial break, mind you, because the only channels that run “Mommy Dearest” are the ones with frequent and excessive commercial breaks and I don’t want to miss a second of it. I’m already suffering from an inexplicable depression for coming in when my movie is half over. Or maybe because there is still half to go. I can’t say, really. I’m getting that nauseous feeling just thinking about watching it now.
That’s okay. I’ll take the multiple advertisement opportunities to thaw out a steak for dinner or check the kids closets.
By the way, I love the steak part. I think about it every time I make my kids finish their dinner. I thought about it a lot yesterday when my youngest’s granola bar he pestered me for (no, not pestered, he rode me like a trick pony until I finally got off my butt and gave it to him, and all five minutes after a dinner he barely ate because he was “tooooooo fullllll”) was sitting on the table overnight because, when he became “tooooooo fullllll” to finish that, I was like, “Oh, you’re full of something, alright” and I left it on the table for a pre-breakfast snack the next day.
That was a long sentence. My apologies. My point is, I am totally picking up what Joan is dropping in that scene.
And, just like Joan, I threw the damn thing out about twenty-four hours later when, beaten down, I simply gave up.
Frankly, I think she got a bad rap.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll make the children address me as Mommy Dearest for the day, just to try it on for size.
Another movie that I can’t turn away from is “Ghosts of Mars.” Yeah, yeah, laugh if you will–I finally made my husband watch this one and he was all, “that wasn’t scary at all!” But, in my defense, there is something chilling about people being overcome by some nasty entity that makes them psycho killers and causes them to stick barbs through their faces without even wincing. It could happen to anyone! Ooh! That just reminded me of the movie “Fallen,” which is another one I can’t pass up when it’s on. Fantastic flick.
Also, along a similar vein of gut-grabbing creepy is “28 Days Later” which I could watch over and over and over and still be pants-peeingly scared.
And finally, “The Departed.” No need for explanation. Okay, I will anyway. Leo.
Warning: This video has many F bombs and one Indian in the Cupboard.
So, lay it on me. I’m really curious to hear what flicks other folks can’t flip off. Comment. Comment now. Ready, set, go.
So, I’ve been kicking myself the past few days to get a blog in (and to clean the cat box). I keep getting email notifications from blogs I subscribe to. These overachievers are churning out, like, three blogs a week. What the hey? How do they have time to do other writing? Or shit-box cleaning? Or basic self-hygiene tasks?
[Grumble, spit, bleepin’ making me look bad]
Well, the cat box got cleaned today (and let me tell ya, that was a doozy) and here I am blogging about not wanting to blog. Who doesn’t want to read this crap-laced blog post?
Have you seen this cat? She has been missing since last fall. Other cats have since been pooping in her box. I miss her.
Actually, I’ve been quite busy writing the past two weeks. Submitted a 13,000 word story under my dirty pen name and cranked out 20,000 words in the past three weeks or so (again, dirty pen) and now the guilt of not spiffing up a dormant horror story and trying to find a home for it, and not working on that zombie long pork story I started weeks ago (200 words or so–if you can call that starting), and not editing and sending to betas the other two novels sitting in my C drive, well, it’s really getting me down.
Damn, that was a long sentence. My apologies.
Tack on to that the fact that I write a newsletter for my daylily society which I try to get out in spring and fall. But spring sprang and now I am feeling the pressure and a lack of initiative. Add to that the fact that I keep getting these frackin’ back spasms and have been popping Flexeril like candy. Not only does my back still kill me, but I feel like the walking dead. Muscle relaxers suck-it big time. I’m so tired, and gazing at a computer screen with a warm pack on my back inspires me only to sleep, unfortunately. And oh the dry mouth. I shake my fist at you, Flexeril. And to my back, the bird.
In more exciting news, “Childhood Nightmares: Under the Bed” from Sirens Call Press is now out both digitally and in paperback. Super cool. I’m looking forward to holding a real copy in my hands, but for now, I content myself with reading my Kindle version.
Awesomesauce.
Anyway, I’ll get off my gripe horse and take my little human beans to bed (yes, we’ve been reading “The BFG” by Roald Dahl–I enjoy scaring the crap out of reading to my children).
Now I can check “blog” off of my to do list. Yeehaw!
See you next week or so. Same time, same bad jokes, and same stinky cat box.
1. You seem to like zombies. Any one movie or book that ignited that passion?
The Rising by Brian Keene. Before that book I was a big fan of zombie movies, but never read anything. I didn’t think it would be something I’d like to read about, since most zombie movies follow a pretty strict format. I was pleasantly surprised when I read Keene’s book, and then devoured the rest of them. Then I went looking for more…
2. Do you find it easier or more enjoyable to write male or female protagonists? If you have a preference–why?
Strangely (and I blogged about that not too long ago), I don’t have a preference. I used to write strictly male characters because I’m a male and didn’t think I could do justice to a female main character. When I started writing the Darlene Bobich stories (Darlene Bobich: Zombie Killer, Dying Days and Dying Days 2) she flowed and it was so easy to write her. I’m interested to see going forward how many male vs. female leads I write.
3. If you could pick one weapon for a zombie fight, what would it be?
Isn’t the machete the go-to weapon? It’s quiet, easy to carry, and lightweight. Using rifles and pistols draws too many zombies. Either that or a blunt toothpick… now that would be the true test of a zombie killer.
Personally, all I need are these guns right here [flexing and kissing my biceps]. But I respect your choice, Armand.
4. What monster was under your bed or in your closet as a child?
Great question! Every weird, evil and/or alien creature in Dean Koontz books. When I was ten or eleven I started reading all of my mom’s horror books, especially Koontz. Then I’d be under the covers in bed hoping The Ancient Enemy from Phantomswasn’t in the closet.
I cut my teeth on Koontz, too. Good times. Good times.
5. Any tips or insights into your writing/editing process that you think are unique or worth sharing with us?
I use index cards each day. I pull a fresh one while the coffee is brewing and make a reasonable list of what I need to do that day, either a word count (2,000 word goal) or finish a story or another chapter, read some submissions for an anthology, check e-mail, things like that. As I finish things I cross them off the index card and feel like I’m getting somewhere, instead of huge goals like ‘write a 50k book’. If I can hit 2,000 words a day on the first draft I’ll have that in 25 days.
6. Which of your books are you most proud of and why?
Death Metal, because it was the first great moment I had in publishing where a publisher simply loved it and didn’t want to change a thing about it. It was my first real release through another publisher besides anthology stories. Even after 40+ releases, it’s still my favorite. The publisher called it urban horror, but it’s really just a thriller. Very graphic, lots of violence, drug use, profanity, and (I think) a unique plot.
7. Fast zombies/smart zombies—some traditionalists think that they shouldn’t be done. How about you, Armand? Is there anywhere you “won’t go” when it comes to zombies?
I’m not a fan of fast zombies, yet my favorite zombie movie is the Dawn of the Dead remake with Ving Rhames and they’re fast. I’m more into the traditional zombie, although having some twists is always good for the genre. In my “Dying Days” extreme zombie series, there’s the added pressure that the zombies don’t just want to eat you, they want to sexually violate you. I never cross the line into graphic rape but the threat is always there. In “Dying Days 2” I added yet another twist, which I won’t spoil.
8. What is the most compelling reason you can give someone who has yet to read your work to pick up one of your books?
I have bills to pay. Actually, I think my zombie stories are more than just survivors constantly being attacked by undead. A reader recently pointed out how many pages in between zombie mentions in a couple of my books, which is a good thing. It’s about the people thrust into this situation and what they do. Sometimes the worst enemy is still living.
9. Do you use a common mode of transmission for the zombie disease in all of your books, or do you switch things up? Care to give us a peek into how your zombies began, your patient zero, as it were?
Nope. I’ve purposely left it wide open. In the Darlene Bobich short story “Rear Guard” I have some characters talking about the various rumors they heard on how this all began, offering widely varying accounts. I never mention how it started, and I might never give the one solid reason. I think it adds a bit of mystery to the story.
10. If you were conducting this interview, what question would you be dying to ask yourself?
Easy question. Armand, why are you so damn sexy? Oh, wait, wrong interview. I would ask myself ‘if you were conducting this interview, what question would you be dying to ask yourself?’ and then just keep looping it over and over until I passed out.
The Sexy Beast Himself
11. Who is your favorite serial killer? Doesn’t mean you like the person—I just want to know the case you are most curious about. I think we all have at least one. Something about trying to see into the mind of someone so grotesquely twisted to see if anything in there makes the tiniest bit of sense. Who’s your Jeffrey Dahmer, Armand, and why?
Ed Gein, because he influenced so many authors and filmmakers (Psycho, Silence of the Lambs, Bambi – OK, maybe not Bambi). This dude was sick, and did some crazy stuff. I’ve read several books about him, watched every movie they made about him, and “Dead Skin Mask” by Slayer is one of my favorite songs ever. Fascinating.
I was always partial to Blind Melon’s “Skinned” for my personal fave Ed Gein anthem. It just makes killing sound so happy and carefree! There aren’t many songs that can really work a kazoo. Slayer makes me want to jump into a pit and come out with random teeth imbedded in my elbows.
Both are good in their own way–just depends on what mood you’re in and how much vodka is in your system.
For our collective listening pleasure, I will provide both. 🙂
I had to pick that version because Scooby Doo is at the concert.
And on those ass-kicking notes, I would like to thank Armand Rosamilia for stopping by and sharing a little bit of his crazy. It was a pleasure.
Don’t forget to check out his books, boys and girls. Much like Slayer, they are fast and furious–and a guaranteed good time!
Today I was thinking about how I don’t really offer up the “I’m an author” line to many people. Generally speaking, I keep it to myself unless it comes up. I was wondering if I made a living writing (which I do not—I couldn’t feed my cat with money from my writing, let alone a family of five) would I be more inclined to pony-up the information?
Not that I am ashamed of how I spend my free time. Hell, I’d like to let people know that my house gets cleaned even less lately because I’m “working” in my free time. This place isn’t a pig sty because I’m watching Vampire Diaries and eating bon-bons for the eight hours a week all three of my kids are in school.
I don’t suppose I can call it work if I don’t really make any money doing it, can I?
But it is work. It’s a time-consuming job trying to crank out enough coherent words strung into sentences, glued into paragraphs and sandwiched together with a layer of literary bubblegum to create a short story. Forget about the bigger projects I try to make time for.
When you think about the time spent simply daydreaming up an idea–which is usually during dinner or while your Lego master is explaining his latest creation, or while you are driving a bus of wild animals to choir practice—already you are looking at hours and hours spent on a short alone. Again, a full novel takes weeks of thinking, planning, outlining, note-taking and people-watching before you even sit down at a computer. Then you get there and realize you know nothing about the California Gold Rush and the research begins. Think term papers without direct quotes, only on a major scale.
Have we started writing yet? Maybe you are a fly-by-your-seat kinda author. Cool. I salute you. That could save you a bundle of time. Or it could burn you alive with re-writes once you get half way done and realize you have plot holes the size of Jupiter. Me, I outline. The carefree method that would seem to be my style superficially, just doesn’t pan out for me when I’m sifting for gold nuggets. In California. In 1851. With the help of my time machine. Just tying that back together.
Okay, so all of the homework completed, we move on to the writing part. Now, I’m a fast typist, so essentially, this doesn’t take all that long provided I am not distracted by squirrels, or bon-bons, or laundry, or singing karaoke to Breaking Benjamin songs that are too R rated to play at full blast while the kids are home. So let’s say I rein in my ADD for the time it takes me to hammer out a 5,000 word piece.
And then saunters in my arch enemy of the writing world—editing. I’d like to punch this guy in the face, but I can’t. He is the most important piece of the puzzle (or so he thinks, the conceited bastard). Editing takes a number of days, if not weeks, and a number of reads.
All the while, an equal number of hilarious squirrels are jumping around my lawn like little clowns, waving their bon-bons at me and flipping me off to the tune of Shallow Bay. I ignore them. I hope. And I get it done.
Oh! Lest we forget, I must check the submission guidelines and format my work to the specifications of my chosen market. Busy work, but, like editing, a necessary evil.
Now, what was my chosen market again? In all likelihood, especially for newer authors, the publisher may have a cute little sentence under the title PAYMENT. It could very well, and very often does, read “For the Love.”
For the love of Pete. This is why I cannot feel comfortable saying “I’m an author.” Like, “I work from home. I write.” And I do. But non-paying markets, or token payments, for—how much time did it take me?—they don’t add up to a living.
Therefore, this is not my job. It is my hobby (cringe).
Do I enjoy it? Yes. Do I love to see my name in print? Absolutely. Do I want to do it for free just to spread my creativity like an infection to the masses (or the few, as the case may be)? No, I don’t. I can blog for free to reach out and grab someone. I can make pointless, but ultra-funny, nonsense flyers and staple them all over town in the middle of the night.
I loved working as an RN. Would I go pull an eight-hour shift sans pay just because helping sick people is so rewarding? Ah, no. Florence Nightingale I ain’t. And she probably got paid anyway.
So why is the “For the Love” trend so prevalent? Could be the saturation of the market. The name in print scenario I mentioned so enough people are willing to work for free, perpetuating the problem. All the free e-books on Amazon from self-pubs and fledgling indie publishers that make people think that the written word shouldn’t cost a penny. It’s possible.
But these little anthologies that are just getting their foot in the publishing door could still offer a small royalty payment. That way the authors are more vested in promoting the material. The publishers don’t have to come up with up-front payment. And the authors don’t have to feel like someone is bending them over and…I’ll keep it clean, but you know where I was going.
But when I spend more money than I earned to buy a copy or two of “my” book, it hurts my heart a little. I end up paying more than I was paid. That is essentially paying to have your work published, which is a number one no-no, as everyone knows.
Can I be one of those working writers? Go get a day job like so many and write in my “spare” time? Yup, and I just may one of these days if my Sugar Daddy gets tired of supporting my pipe dreams.
Or I may decide that my massive amounts of time are better spent elsewhere and give up the authorial ghost.
I hope that day never comes, because as much as “For the Love” is a gang of rude squirrels defecating in my sandbox, I still love to write. For now I’ll throw my bon-bons at them and power through.
I don’t need the empty calories anyway.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a cannibalism story that needs to be written. Twenty-five bucks and a zombie t-shirt riding on this one, baby. Woo hoo! They had me at zombie. And again at t-shirt.
First of all, I want to let everyone know that 100 Horrors: Horror in the Blink of an Eye is now available in good old-fashioned dead trees. I just ordered my copy (and of course a copy for my parents–ever the thoughtful daughter, I know). You can find it right here:
What else? What else? Ah, yes. Childhood Nightmares: Under the Bed is due out on April 21st, so that is exciting! I am currently reading Julianne Snow’s Days with the Undead. She is a fellow contributor to the Childhood Nightmares anthology and wrote a zombie book that reads like daily journal entries written by a survivor. So far, so good. I plan to post a review when I am done.
Onward–but in keeping with the zombie subject–at the end of the month I am slotted to interview author Armand Rosamilia. His new book Dying Days 2 was just released and chronicles the zombie troubles of one of his favorite heroines, Darlene Bobich–zombie killer extraordinaire. As luck would have it, the digital Dying Days 2 is free on Amazon. I believe the freebie is for today only, so scoop it up and you can read the interview on March 31 and nod your head the whole time. Armand is hoping people who pick it up during his deal will be kind enough to leave a review on Amazon. Be a sport, will ya?
That’s all for now, folks. Keep it tuned here for more scarelicious news in the near future!
Kim Krodel 